TheBalishChannel: Return of the Gold
by C3po345
Summary: A force of knowledge with infinite power is threatened an awakening; can it's followers stop this from occuring?
1. A Notice To Those Reading

I know why you're here.

You searched "TheBalishChannel" on Google and clicked on this expecting some cringe-y fanfiction by someone who you've probably never heard of, or are an older watcher of TBC and came back here to reminisce. For all the people coming back, I've kept this fanfic as is as opposed to wiping it completely, sans the fact that it ends on a cliffhanger. Those here for the fic itself can stop reading this message, as the rest is mostly just a history lesson that you likely already know and a message for newbies. But for anyone new, you'd be right about the cringe aspect: it is pretty cringe-y looking back at it. But it's not so much about that: more about that this fucking thing is engrained in both Balish's and my search history. Speaking of which, who am I and why did I make this?

I'm C3po345, preferred name C3 but called C3po often. I used to be a pretty regular watcher of TBC back in 2015-16, and I could be seen as one of the "originals" of the stream. I was pretty fervent with catching streams: staying up until 12 to catch a late night BotW stream, struggling with throttled cellular speeds whenever I went out, all sorts of escapades. I've also been one of the more supportive of the streams; I've actually taken a DDOS attack for Balish when he got raided by RF on one of his return streams, and I was also one of the first subscribers on his Twitch account when he became partnered. But I'm not watching the streams anymore. I left every single group he was affiliated with, deleted or shopped every image that I ever had in relation to him, deleted the Twitter account I made just for talking with TBC watchers, and blocked anyone who wanted to follow me to where I went to next. Why would I have such a turn? Over the last months of me watching the stream, Balish started acting probably the most hostile towards his fans that I had seen at the time.

If you've heard anything in relation to "TBC history," you may know there was an unofficial Discord server ran by fans where people would come in and talk with each other. I was the one who started this Discord, owning and operating it until a little after it closed. I wanted there to be a more relaxed feel to it; when I made it, the Twitch chat was fairly restrictive both from Twitch's own rules and Balish's own rules upon the chat. Was it a good idea to allow people to talk about divisive subjects? Probably not. Was there a market for this sort of area? Absolutely. The problem though was that due to the laxness, there was more space for vitriol to freely overthrow the current conversation. Arguments about really petty topics were seen almost daily, and afterwards it would be my responsibility to clean up the cards. It got so bad that it bled over to both Twitter and the stream itself. This was also during a part of my life where I had to really focus on things that wasn't moderation, so eventually I decided to throw in the towel and give up the Discord to highest bidder. SonicYoshi, another TBC original who I had known for a while, stepped up to the plate for a little while, but it eventually got too out of control when doxing threats became commonplace along with harassment towards a LGBT watcher, and he eventually deleted the Discord from existence.

After being pelted with more bullshit about a Discord server that I wasn't even a part of much less one that existed, I moved to a different server where a lot of my friends who were related to Balish still met but it wasn't actually involved with the stream. But that didn't stop Balish; from what I found out from leaked private discussions, he was still posting things related to me behind my back, and encouraging people go out and attempt to antagonize me. Because of this severe lack of respect in relation to someone who didn't want to deal with him, I pulled the plug on everything. Discord servers, YouTube, Twitch: literally everything that was affiliated with him I disconnected from. And my life hasn't been the same since.

Which brings us to now. It's been nearly a year since I decided to pull the plug on this whole thing and go out to find better places to spend my time and effort on. And boy howdy have I; not only are the new fandoms I'm in a hell of a lot nicer in quality, but I don't have to deal with stupid fucking drama about a song from Mario Odyssey or other petty crap, and people aren't flinging death threats at each other every 12 seconds. Meanwhile, from what I've seen Balish's streams have still stagnated as they are. In fact, I'm pretty sure both his follower count and his viewer base has actually shrunk since I left, and Balish's temperament has gotten far worse. Balish has also continuously "booted off" other people, such as Swampert_Tube (who actually DM'd me to try and get him on his side in an issue I didn't need to be involved in) and Feroxy Louis. So not only did I make the right choice to get the hell out but letting the place rot in its own shit was really the only way to deal with such a hopeless circlejerk. So, to everyone watching his stream now: Don't say I didn't warn you when Balish eventually instigates shit with you. It doesn't matter how loyal you are to him, because everyone who watches him is on a tightrope: saying one thing wrong will likely end the same way as everyone else. And it's not just the Aboms and the Ih8s that have this issue: GallaDuke, SonicYoshi, Cruzin, and many other TBC loyalists who wouldn't seem to act as rash as Balish makes the "mutineers" out to be have all been subject to something like this once, if not quite a few times. And I'll be damned if it doesn't happen again and again to newer people coming into the stream.

Anyway, rambling aside, here's the fanfiction. Be prepared to cringe by the way, because there's bound to be quite a lot of it.

P.S. : Balish, if you're reading this, I find it ironic that you posted a tweet saying "if you don't like me leave me be and I'll do the same," when you and your "fans" haven't been able to shut the fuck up about me or any other person who left because they were fed up with your dumb shit. I'd say to go back to the glory days, but from what I see you're so far gone that trying to do anything will get you nowhere; neither in reputation nor in popularity. I'll enjoy my food, you enjoy your small numbers, kid.


	2. Prolouge

**DISCLAIMER:** The opinions expressed towards some topics and persons in this fanfiction is not applicable to the thoughts and opinions of the author (C3po345). If you are referenced in this fanfiction in a negative light, don't get triggered.

 **NOTE:** This fanfiction is not complete yet. There's still more chapters in progress.

* * *

Long ago, there was a force of knowledge that extended any known on the planet. This force was known as Balish. This knowledge had an extensive ability regarding argumentation. Upon harnessing the power of Balish, one could eliminate any person deemed unworthy of life from any sensible argument, and effectively close them out of any form of illogical conversation for the rest of their lives.

Throughout the times where Balish had been open to the world, many people had gathered to hear the opinions generated from this source of knowledge. It was until one fateful day, when one of his previous followers were to turn on him, that the wrath of Balish was to be experienced. Several were able to calm down the rampaging menace, but many were destroyed or sent into social nonexistence. For calming him when he was unable to calm himself, all the followers of Balish were given his blessing of sorts; granting them the knowledge and power to excel beyond their peers and referring to them as "regulars". The only issue he had warned if they engaged in intimacy with anyone other than one of Balish's followers, that it would be shared to the new persons. Put into the wrong hands, it could end up silencing the whole world.

After this was bestowed on his followers, the Balish had closed himself away from the rest of the world, only answering to regulars who was in possession of his power. To this date, many of the regulars are still living and most have been in large spans of success. Balish's wrath had not been awoken, however even newer regulars have the power to wake him...


	3. Chapter 1: The Power of Balish

Jongold walked out of his house and felt the crisp summer air. He had just finished his school year and while normally one would feel refreshment from the cleanliness of nature, Jongold felt frustrated. His school year had been irritating, and he had come across many who had tried to make his physical life terrible. Jon had tried to dox some of his enemies but the small town he lived in left his work useless and joke-worthy. Having gone through seemingly hell, Jongold held his head high and shouted,

"It's not fucking fair!"

Almost immediately, one of his neighbors replied with a "Shut up!" and tossed a vase out the window as a follow-up, which broke next to Jongold's feet. The shatter caused him to flinch and he scurried back into the house.

Jongold went to his basement, where he partook most of his internet interaction on his trusty Windows ME laptop.

"There's got to be something I can do to get back at this damn town," grumbled Jongold. It was at this point when he partook in his favorite action with his computer; searching random things on Google and seeing what comes up. Jon found articles about the Ethernet Nick, the history of the Expo marker, the black powder contents of C4, but eventually he found himself searching for something called Balish.

"What's this? A force of intellect that exists beyond no other..." Jongold looked further through the archives; the stories of Balish and his tribulations. He then hatched a brilliant idea.

"If Balish allows his followers power," Jon wondered, "...I can use it to eliminate whoever stands in my way!"

After breaking into a laughing fit enough to send his sleeping cat out of the room, he realized something: "It says here that 'Balish regulars cannot share their power with anyone except those they are intimate with.' Well, I could probably find a way around that." Jongold detached the back legs to his wooden chair, attempted to lean back, and took the rest of his day to look through the rest of the archives, learning as much as he can about Balish...


	4. Chapter 2: Heat's Affection

Jongold paged through the many users who had interacted with the newfangled Balish force he had found. The results of his work were vague, but satisfactory. "Well, let's see... This 'Megaheatmor' guy seems to be a good first target. He's well known around the community regarding Balish and he's one of the more accepting of the regulars." Having found his current goal, Jongold packed himself some typical survival goods in his school backpack; a large bag of cold pizza rolls, his old laptop and Blackberry phone, and his mother's credit card. Having all his supplies, he went out to seek his ticket to the power he desired.

Jongold's trek led him to Hawaii, where he had found that most regulars were vacationing during the summer. After a while of walking along the beach, Jon came across a volleyball game. Among the players was Audentum and Heat! Making sure not to cross their eyesight, Jongold slipped behind an outhouse to hatch a plan. He took out his Sharpie and his fedora and went to work on a disguise.  
When he was finished, Jongold walked back to the area where Heat and Audentum were playing volleyball.

"Heya Heat! How's it goin'?"

Heat looked over to the person speaking, and awash with confusion, replied, "Who are you?"

"Huh? I'm UltVictory, didn't you know?"

The edges of both Heat and Audentum's mouths rose as they both started laughing heartily.

"Hah! Oh I'm sorry 'ult', I didn't notice you there! How have 'you' been?" Audentum wiped away the tears in his eyes as he and Heat put their arms around eachother for support.

"Why are you acting like this!?" Jongold snapped. "I'm a fellow moderator!"

Audentum regained his composure, looked at Jongold with a non-serious face, and replied,

"First off, UltVictory's black, so we know you're not him. Secondly, he confirmed through our Discord he couldn't come to Hawaii. He never showed up at the airport - all us regulars go by plane together. Lastly, whoever you are, we can tell you from a mile away no matter who you tried to act like: I mean, look at that nose!"

Jongold sniffled and remarked, "Why do you do this? I just want affection from Heat!"

Megaheatmor, having heard this, grabbed the volleyball he was playing with, and kissed it. He passed it to Audentum, who promptly spiked it into Jongold's face.

"Impersonation isn't cool," replied Heat. "Want to go get some food from Tito's Surfshack, Audentum baby?"

"Sure, Heat."

After he had awoken, Jongold watched over a top of a hill as Heat and Audentum ate at Tito's Surfshack. He could see them sharing a large orange soda that Tito made himself there. It infuriated him as he could see the bubbles go through the two straws in the drink.

"There's probably some other way to get his affection." Jongold paced for a while when he got an idea.

"I remember that Seethree guy was in some old collaboration regarding Macintoshes," thought Jongold. "Maybe I can ask him for Heat's Skype."

Jongold reajusted his straps on his backpack, and went out to search for someone who could potentially help him.


	5. Chapter 3: 3D Land

"Your misery is a sale you cannot refuse!"

The Sellbot Vice President was close to the edge of the tower in Hawaii he had established. He had been pushed there, rather unintentionally, by C3, who had been given a supply of cream pies. C3, knowing the VP's state of disarray, pelted him with some of the last of his pies, knocking the VP's back treads onto the edge.

"Hah! I'm still standing! Try as you might, your pathetic pastries can't put a dent in this salesman!"

It was at this point that the VP noticed the predicament he was in, and his taunt had made his hind treads lose their grip on the edge. Knowing the imminent fall of his adversary, C3 shouted out, "Have a nice trip!" As he spoke, the VP slipped off the edge of the building and plummeted to the ground below.

Jongold was watching from a roof nearby, and upon witnessing the VP take his tumble, he jumped down and ran over to C3, who was overlooking the height of Sellbot Towers.

"Hey C3! I have a question, can you give me Megaheatmor's Skype?"

C3 turned around to the sudden voice and sighed.

"So much for knocking him off the cliff. What makes you obligated to my attention?"

Jongold reeled back a bit in shock from the question, and replied, "Wh-wh-what do you mean? We've raced in uh... 3D Land and stuff, right?"

C3, not sure of this comment, scratched his head for a bit.

"I'm not sure of this, but if you prove that you're a good 3D Land player, I can probably get you what you want."

Jongold's face lit up with anticipation, as he might actually be getting somewhere. "Okay then!"

C3 took out his 3DS, scrolled to Super Mario 3D Land with his Chao Garden theme, and went to level Special 7-Castle. Jongold worried a bit as he had expected something a little simpler: something like 1-4 or 7-1, as those were the only levels he was capable of completing efficiently.

"Here's a level to warm up with. Give it a try."

Jongold grabbed the 3DS out of C3's hands greedily, and due to his haste ended up immediately falling into the first lava pit.

"Wow, bad start already. Try it again."

Jongold regained his composure and attempted it again. The whole time he never seemed to use the Y button, however the timer was aware of this fact and ran down to 0, causing Jongold to lose another life. C3 was starting to lose his patience, though not completely.

"Come on, man! It's 1-Castle with a time limit and no enemies! Ugh, one more time."

Jongold, in a bit of a panic, started running all over, and though he made some decent progress through the level, made a misstep at wall kicking off of a wall next to a rising platform, causing him to bump his head on it and fall into the lava below. He had tarnished 3 of C3's lives, and as such he grabbed the 3DS away from Jongold with haste.

"You have got to be kidding me. How can anyone be that bad at Mario 3D Land to make such novice mistakes?" C3 looked at his 3DS, which he had bestowed in the hammerspace of his pockets, then back at Jongold. "I know what you're after Heat's Skype for. He's one of the kinder of the regulars; you're trying to become a regular by blackmailing him into giving you his affection? That's utterly pathetic."

Jongold was in panic, having his cover been blown. He backed up to the edge of the building where the Sellbot Vice President had fallen not moments ago. "H-h-how did you know? You already figured out my plan? You're the one that obsesses over Toontown and the Chao Garden, you should be incompetent to these type of things!"

"I didn't choose to be in Toontown," replied C3. "There was an issue a while ago between me and my regulars, which I won't explain due to you knowing oh so much about it all due to your clamoring for gaining Balish's power. What most sources didn't say was the punishment: I was banished to Toontown for years, forced to experience the toil of grinding XP just to reach another wall to climb over. I made the best of it, and now I have more resources that I've extracted from that Toony world that even Mariotehplumber can't compete with."

Having finished his ramble, he picked up one of the leftover cream pies from his fight with the VP, and remarked, "Fuck off."

Aiming perfectly, C3 threw the pie straight at Jongold's head. Being a gag, the typical red damage indicator showed up, clocking in with a value of 9,990. The force of the impact caused Jongold to lose his balance, and he tripped off the edge of the building, similarly to the Sellbot VP earlier.

Having finished both issues he had come across, C3 walked over to the cage where the shopkeeper had been held. He took a socket wrench out of his pockets, loosened the bolts that held the sides of the cage, and allowed the front bars to fall onto the ground. The shopkeeper, a green duck named Barnacle Bessie, walked out of the cage.

"It's great to be free! I'm in your debt. Here, have my card; I can-"

"Heh, I know all about SOS Cards, Bessie." C3 pulled a large amount of cards and started fanning himself with them.

"Oh... Well, considering your level 50 Cog suit, me and everyone in the Toon Council wouldn't expect anything less from a... er... person like you," she said as she handed her card to C3, who placed it among his many other cards.

"Sorry for the delay, Bessie. That other person who had my 3DS might be back in my sights. When he does, expect a call."

C3 put his SOS Cards back in his pockets and replaced them with his portable Lakitu cloud, his preferred form of travel, that he had learned to generate from his time in Super Mario World. He hopped onto it and started to fly upwards while pointing towards the town his hotel was located in.

"See you later, C3po345!"


	6. Chapter 4: Foliage Interruption

Relaxing in the shade of a palm tree about 3 miles away from Sellbot Headquarters was Volcanic. He had had a long morning of strange and unusual conduct as a result of interacting with his peers. "I can't help but feel relaxed in a beach setting," mumbled Volcanic, "...but it's early to call it a day. I think I'll take a short nap for now." Volcanic started to drift off, allowing his breath to disrupt the foliage around him.

The tranquility that surrounded him ended abruptly as a large metallic crash was heard. It brought Volcanic out of his sleep and directed his attention to smoke arising from Sellbot Headquarters. Annoyed with his loss of sleep, Volcanic promptly but groggily made his way towards the scene of commotion. On the way there, he stopped and notes the recognizable scent of cream pie.

"The smell of cliche cartoon gags," Volcanic said. "More than likely C3po's doing."

Sellbot Headquarters was a mess. The mangled remains of the Sellbot VP were strewn throughout the courtyard; it was almost unknown what the previous form of the scrap could have been. Atop the rubble was a human that Volcanic was vaguely familiar with. Volcanic approached him, and as he did the figure sat up and checked his surroundings.

"Quite a fall there. Who are you?"

Jongold wiped off the surprisingly small remnants of C3's pie off his eyebrows, and looked at Volcanic, who stood at the bottom of the giant pile of rubble and scrap metal.

"I'm Jongold. That Villager with the red arm knocked me off that building."

"Yep, it was C3. What were you messing with a low-hanging fruit like him for?"

"I was looking for Megaheatmor's Skype. I'm uh... needing it for something."

"Oh, Bitch Boy? Yeah, I can do something about that. Get off that rubble and come here."

Jongold jumped off the scrap heap, and winced as he landed on the ground. He limped after Volcanic, who walked through a nearby bush.

As Volcanic and Jongold made their way through a forest, Volcanic paused, and looked over Jongold's current state. His backpack that housed his belongings was a bit on the ragged side, however Volcanic instantly recognized that it was probably used not for treks similar to the one he partook, but for simple education.

"So why are you here looking for Heat?" asked Volcanic. "You have some sort of attraction to guys who want to pour cake batter down a girl's throat during intercourse?"

"Oh no," answered Jongold. "I'm hoping I can become friends with him."

"Friends? So you do have an interest in the stuff he's into?"

"No! I uh..." Jongold struggled to produce a response, when he sat down next to a rock. "Can I tell you something since we're in private?"

Volcanic, still standing, curiously answered, "I guess so."

Jongold sighed and started explaining. "I'm not explicitly looking for Heat. I'm hoping to address Balish. You see, I heard about his power and wanted him to share it with me. But these fucking regulars are assholes. I can't even see one without having my fucking blood boil. When I'm done with my goals, I swear, I'll... uh, you understand where I'm coming from?"

Volcanic simply crossed his arms and remarked, "You do know I'm a regular, right?"

Jongold's eyes widened in shock, as he didn't expect to be meeting another regular out of the blue. "What!?"

"It's actually kind of funny. You get cucked by a Toontown addict, and without even explaining your goals you try and abuse the helpfulness most of us tend to express. I wasn't planning on helping you, but your mentioning of Heat perked my interest. Now with you clearly wanting a rather selfish goal, as well as shit-talking me and my acquaintances, you've dug yourself into quite a hole."

Before Jongold knew what was happening, Volcanic swept him off his feet, and grabbed him, carrying Jongold sideways on his back. Volcanic, with the most pinpoint reflex, spun backwards and fell down in similar fashion to a trust fall. It sent Jongold slamming down to the ground, back first. Volcanic then propelled himself off of Jongold's stomach with his hands, allowing his backpack's contents to further misalign Jongold's spine.

Having finished his work, Volcanic dusted off his hands, and vanished through a bush, probably headed back to the beach where he could continue his rest.


	7. Chapter 5: The Nattiest Kidd

Jongold struggled to get up as his back wobbled in an attempt to readjust itself. He had seen people break spinal columns on those fancy pay-per-view channels he used to watch at his friend's house, but never witnessed one on the scale of what he had just received.

A shadow of a person approached him, and already expecting trouble, Jongold ducked his head expecting a blow from this newcomer...

"You okay there?"

Jongold peeked back up to see the approacher was none other than TheNatKidd. He had heard the events occuring with VolcanicStorm and had come to see what the issue was.

Jongold replied, "Oh, it's nothing. Just something I can get through, not too much of a problem."

"Oh." Nat looked at the ground for a bit, then looked back at Jongold. "Say, I heard you were discussing something about Megaheatmor." Upon hearing this, Jongold's eyes lit up, and he replied, "Do you know his Skype?"

"Eh... I don't know his Skype, but I know someone who does. Follow me."

Jongold got up, and followed into the city, wondering who would be able to hook up Jongold with Heat's skype.

.

"Yeah, my pockets are nice when I'm just messing around with the world."

C3 walked down the sidewalk with his friend Feroxy, who had been in the same hotel he was staying in. "That's interesting." she replied. "Can you show me an example of this?"

Upon hearing this, C3 spotted a manhole and ran towards it, Feroxy trailing behind. He pulled what seemed to be a green crystal shard out of his pockets, and slipped it into the open hole of the manhole. Suddenly, Knuckes popped out of the manhole, having found another Master Emerald shard.

"Hey guys, long time no see! Guess I got lost in the sewers or something."

Feroxy giggled to herself as Knuckles looked around the new environment he was in. C3 however had already started moving ahead, and motioned for her to follow. Knuckles, knowing he would not recieve an explanation to his location, remarked, "Hey, where ya goin'?"

Nat and Jongold walked along an adjacent sidewalk. They were approaching a turn when they came face-to-face with C3 and Feroxy.

"You! How did you survive the fall off Sellbot Headquarters? Oh wait, I know why. Nat's probably been taking care of you."

Nat frowned and replied, "What do you mean? We've been great pals despite these fiascos!"

"Don't act like you didn't cause me to be guilty by affiliation, Nat!" C3 barked. "If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have been banished to Toontown for 3 years, and I wouldn't of had to deal with the constant 'meow meow meow meow meow' those idiots spout out!"

C3 started digging through his pocket, obviously looking for something. "I'm sick of this, Nat. It's time you actually help me for once."

It was at this moment when C3 pulled out his secret weapon for this occasion: a copy of Donkey Kong 64. The sight of the cartridge caused Nat to start having spasms, and he ended up falling onto his back.

"Jon, help me... I'm sweating and crying right now..."

After writhing on the ground for a short period of time, Nat's entire body lit up in a glorious light, and smoke started to generate around him. Once the smoke cleared, it showed TheNatKidd's true form: PSY!

"Eyyo, Seethree, who's dat on the ground there?"

Jongold was on the pavement, looking up at Psy. He was aghast at his transformation; he had never seen such a reaction to a video game as this.

"That fool on the ground is Jongold. He's been trying to harass Megaheatmor, myself, and to my knowledge Volcanic and Audentum."

"This Jonny fucka is cruzin for a bruisin'," Psy exclaimed as he grabbed Jongold by the shirt. "There's no way to cross my path like that. Some teeth you're losin'!"

Psy then started to spin Jongold around by the shirt in a similar fashion as a plumber swinging around a turtle. When he was spinning fast enough, he flung Jongold into an alleyway, where he crashed into a wall and knocked over some nearby trash cans.

"So long, eh-fucker!"

C3 smirked as he looked into the alleyway where Jongold had been tossed: the bricks on the affected wall had been indented due to the force of Jongold's body slamming into them.

"I think we've seen enough," C3 commented. "Psy, Feroxy, let's go notify Heat of this so we can finish off this fool for good.


End file.
